Trust is Emotional

I was having a tough time at work.  Some things weren't going well.  I had been talking to someone to try to figure it out and maybe get some help. 

One day I make some offhand comment about things to this person.  They tell me to come over and talk to them.  The way they said it didn't sound good.  I'm a bit apprehensive walking over.  Out of nowhere they start asking me all kinds of pointed questions, giving me the third degree.  Suddenly I felt forced to really be careful with my answers.  What happened?

A little while later they sort of mentioned they were just having a bad day and all that.  But it wasn't enough.  Something fundamental was broken here.  I couldn't trust them anymore.  And I didn't like that at all.

I remember spending the rest of the day just in shock.  In a daze.  Intellectually I knew they didn't mean it, and it was not a big deal really.  But, somehow that wasn't enough.  That day was a Friday.

The following day we went on a long drive to visit some family.  The whole way there and back, I couldn't stop thinking about it.  Why did that happen?  And more importantly, how do I make it stop hurting?  Why am I so obsessed with this?  I know they are a friend and on my side.  This one act shouldn't change my feelings on all that.  I analyzed it a hundred different ways.  Nothing changed.  I waited, figured time would help soften things.  Nope.  That did nothing.  I needed to talk to them about this.

I remember debating calling them on the weekend just so I could get it over with, get some sort of resolution to make myself feel better.  That seemed selfish somehow.  Maybe I should have called.  I don't know.  Anyway I resolved to talk to them Monday.  That made me feel slightly better.

Monday finally came.  I told them I felt something was broken between us.  They responded by wanting to make things better.  They talked to me about what was going on Friday that led up to it and how it had nothing to do with me.  I remember while listening to the story realizing that nothing they said really was new information.  I still felt better though.  It almost didn't even matter what they were saying.  Just the very act of truly wanting to fix the broken trust and acting on it did indeed start to fix it.

Trust is an odd, fragile thing.  Oftentimes we try to rationalize it with logic, but in the end it's simply a leap of faith that this person won't hurt you.  It's a feeling of security and comfort.  Unfortunately all too easy to break.  Fortunately not too difficult to repair either, if both people want to.  You just need to feel like they care about you again.