Wait... they did what? No... they wouldn't do that. Really? No...but...sigh.
When this comes from someone you care about, it's tough to handle. Dealing with this issue is a gradual process that stretches far, from denial down the long road to acceptance.
Simply denying it ever happened is easy enough. Forget it ever happened. This is surprisingly easy to do. One off odd situations are probably better off left here.
For something bigger, you have to eventually get on the path to acceptance. It starts with admitting it. It really did happen. Some illusion you had has been shattered. What it really comes down to is: you have to accept that they are not perfect either. They may think what they did was wrong, they may still think it was the right thing to do. It doesn't really matter. They still did it.
You thought you knew them better, and assumed they would act differently. Maybe it's helpful to realize that you are indeed getting to know them a little bit better. Know their flaws. None of us are perfect.
If they had been on a pedestal in your life, now is the time you start to realize that they are human too. They are still learning. Still making mistakes. Sometimes big ones. That's ok.
Learn what you can from what happened. Then get out. Don't stay here, it's a dangerous place. Leave it behind. Forgive if necessary, and move on. Try to think about how you can show your love for them productively. Press forward with the hope of a better future.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Momentum
Something in motion will stay in motion until acted on by some force. Similarly, something at rest will stay at rest until acted on by some force. Very logical. I think it applies to humans too.
Ever been sitting down, trying to avoid some work that you know you have to do? Never happens, I know. It's kind of funny, sometimes I spend more mental energy trying to avoid it than it would take to actually go do it. Luckily, sometimes all it takes is actually convincing myself to get up on my feet and then I am motivated enough to go do it. Might as well, I am up now, and I am not going to want to do it later.
Stopping my rest, getting up to go do something, anything, is where to start. Even with something totally unrelated, sometimes lets me keep enough momentum to go do the thing I have been avoiding.
The worst part is the things that you want to do, but, for whatever reason, you just don't. You feel like you don't have the strength or creativity or whatever mustered up right now so you just keep avoiding it. The good news is that momentum works here too. Once you get moving at all, take the first tiny step, get one little thing done, you've got it. Now you're in and you have momentum to continue, that's where you want to be.
Conversely, once you are indeed moving, it's hard to stop. You want to finish, get this one thing done, then you want one more, and you have to finish that... and it goes on. This could be good... or bad, depending on what it is. It applies to more than just chores and projects. You have to be careful what you start. Once you take the first step, you're moving. After that, it's hard to stop.
Just one more game! One more chapter! It's way past my bedtime, but oh well. I'm here, I'm set up, I'm having fun. If you really need some sleep, best not to even take the first step tonight. Or at least set up a force that will stop you later.
Ever been sitting down, trying to avoid some work that you know you have to do? Never happens, I know. It's kind of funny, sometimes I spend more mental energy trying to avoid it than it would take to actually go do it. Luckily, sometimes all it takes is actually convincing myself to get up on my feet and then I am motivated enough to go do it. Might as well, I am up now, and I am not going to want to do it later.
Stopping my rest, getting up to go do something, anything, is where to start. Even with something totally unrelated, sometimes lets me keep enough momentum to go do the thing I have been avoiding.
The worst part is the things that you want to do, but, for whatever reason, you just don't. You feel like you don't have the strength or creativity or whatever mustered up right now so you just keep avoiding it. The good news is that momentum works here too. Once you get moving at all, take the first tiny step, get one little thing done, you've got it. Now you're in and you have momentum to continue, that's where you want to be.
Conversely, once you are indeed moving, it's hard to stop. You want to finish, get this one thing done, then you want one more, and you have to finish that... and it goes on. This could be good... or bad, depending on what it is. It applies to more than just chores and projects. You have to be careful what you start. Once you take the first step, you're moving. After that, it's hard to stop.
Just one more game! One more chapter! It's way past my bedtime, but oh well. I'm here, I'm set up, I'm having fun. If you really need some sleep, best not to even take the first step tonight. Or at least set up a force that will stop you later.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
The Role of Man
I was talking to a friend the other day. He was telling me about his philosophy. He brought up the idea that it's the man's job in life to provide for his family and also that you need to find a purpose in life that once you attain all that, then you can then be content and die happy.
Sounds noble enough, right? A guy trying to find his way in life. Doing his job providing everything his family needs. Striving for a purpose so that once it is attained he can look back and be satisfied.
This greatly troubled me though.
That philosophy can be summed up like this: You are in charge of your own destiny. For this idea to come to fruition, the man must have control of his life. His surroundings. This... just doesn't happen. People get laid off unexpectedly. Sometimes people get sick and there's nothing you can do to make it better. Your plans don't always work out like you thought they would. When something unfortunate like that does happen, you get left unfulfilled. So you try to do the best you can, but it may never be enough.
Furthermore, you are delaying your contentment until some undefined point in the future. It's up to you to find something to fill that void of purpose in your life. People try to fill it with all kinds of things. Even living totally for your family, your kids, can't completely fill it up. It's hard to find a lasting peace with all this responsibility heaped upon your shoulders.
There is a better way.
As a follower of Christ, I find my answers, strength, purpose, and reason for living in Him. Over the past years, especially this past year, that has become more than just words for me - I know it deep down to be true.
Because I realize my own deep inadequacy, I can rely on Him for answers to the tough decisions in life. Because I realize that life is ultimately empty on my own, He has room to fill me with His purpose.
Because I realize I have no real control over what happens in my life, I can stop trying so hard and simply trust Him to give me the strength to handle it.
You could take all my family, friends, and stuff away. I would be devastated of course, but not defeated. My hope, my purpose, is in something far greater. Family and friends are just here to share my life with. To help me as I help them. They don't define me. And that's how it should be.
I could die right now and be fully satisfied. Aside from being sad for my family and friends because life will be a bit harder for them, I am actually kind of looking forward to it. But I'm still glorifying God as long as I'm living here. That is my purpose. I encourage you to look into it. You won't be disappointed!
Sounds noble enough, right? A guy trying to find his way in life. Doing his job providing everything his family needs. Striving for a purpose so that once it is attained he can look back and be satisfied.
This greatly troubled me though.
That philosophy can be summed up like this: You are in charge of your own destiny. For this idea to come to fruition, the man must have control of his life. His surroundings. This... just doesn't happen. People get laid off unexpectedly. Sometimes people get sick and there's nothing you can do to make it better. Your plans don't always work out like you thought they would. When something unfortunate like that does happen, you get left unfulfilled. So you try to do the best you can, but it may never be enough.
Furthermore, you are delaying your contentment until some undefined point in the future. It's up to you to find something to fill that void of purpose in your life. People try to fill it with all kinds of things. Even living totally for your family, your kids, can't completely fill it up. It's hard to find a lasting peace with all this responsibility heaped upon your shoulders.
There is a better way.
As a follower of Christ, I find my answers, strength, purpose, and reason for living in Him. Over the past years, especially this past year, that has become more than just words for me - I know it deep down to be true.
Because I realize my own deep inadequacy, I can rely on Him for answers to the tough decisions in life. Because I realize that life is ultimately empty on my own, He has room to fill me with His purpose.
Because I realize I have no real control over what happens in my life, I can stop trying so hard and simply trust Him to give me the strength to handle it.
You could take all my family, friends, and stuff away. I would be devastated of course, but not defeated. My hope, my purpose, is in something far greater. Family and friends are just here to share my life with. To help me as I help them. They don't define me. And that's how it should be.
I could die right now and be fully satisfied. Aside from being sad for my family and friends because life will be a bit harder for them, I am actually kind of looking forward to it. But I'm still glorifying God as long as I'm living here. That is my purpose. I encourage you to look into it. You won't be disappointed!
Friday, March 8, 2013
Discipline
It's late at night. I was actually good and stopped playing video games a little while ago. It's time for bed now. Nah, I'll just browse the internet for a bit longer. Look up some more youtube videos, read some more articles. Now it's past bedtime. Meh... I'm too tired to think. Don't want to move. Easiest just to sit where I am and zone out for a bit.
Oh no! I really should have been in bed an hour ago! What happened, why do I do that?
This happens far more frequently than I would like. In the end it really comes down to one thing. Discipline! It's almost become a bad habit for me now, happening automatically without my thinking about it. How can I fix it?
To me, discipline is easy enough to define. I know how to obtain it. You just... have to... do it. I just need to actually start going to bed earlier. Each victory gets me closer to where I need to be. Each victory starts me in the positive direction and makes it easier to continue. But then, each loss makes it a bit harder. I lose some ground. It's a constant battle really. Either you are going forward towards something you want to continue doing, or you are forward towards something you want to stop. There's no middle ground.
The good news is that no matter what it is, you can get better at it. Get disciplined by just being really focused and committed to doing whatever it is, once, twice, 4, 5 times. Before you know it you are doing things correctly and not even having to pay attention. It's just habit now. It's your new default.
The mind is an amazing thing. You can teach it to behave pretty much any way you want, as long as you focus and just do it. No excuses.
Oh no! I really should have been in bed an hour ago! What happened, why do I do that?
This happens far more frequently than I would like. In the end it really comes down to one thing. Discipline! It's almost become a bad habit for me now, happening automatically without my thinking about it. How can I fix it?
To me, discipline is easy enough to define. I know how to obtain it. You just... have to... do it. I just need to actually start going to bed earlier. Each victory gets me closer to where I need to be. Each victory starts me in the positive direction and makes it easier to continue. But then, each loss makes it a bit harder. I lose some ground. It's a constant battle really. Either you are going forward towards something you want to continue doing, or you are forward towards something you want to stop. There's no middle ground.
The good news is that no matter what it is, you can get better at it. Get disciplined by just being really focused and committed to doing whatever it is, once, twice, 4, 5 times. Before you know it you are doing things correctly and not even having to pay attention. It's just habit now. It's your new default.
The mind is an amazing thing. You can teach it to behave pretty much any way you want, as long as you focus and just do it. No excuses.
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