One of the greatest lies that has perpetuated the world is this: You have to do it all yourself. You have to struggle to fundamentally change yourself to become a better person. It's up to you to be the best worker/friend/spouse that you can be, and if you fail then it is all your fault. You were not good enough. Guess what: You're in good company. None of us are very good on our own.
You've heard it all before I know, but this is the truth: God loves you just as you are, today, right now. No matter how good or bad you are, you cannot change that. This is where you need to find your identity, as a follower of God. Your identity itself - finding the deep joy, security, and peace you need in life, all of that comes from getting to know Him better. And only from that! It's not based on you, it's not based on your friends or family or situations in your life. All these can and will let you down. That's why you can't rely on them completely. Once you have a strong foundation in knowing that you are God's special creation created for a purpose and that he is with you every step of the way, then all the rest just falls into place.
Ok, so that all sounds good and all but what does it mean, how can I actually do that? First - get to a spot where you are truly lost. You have no idea what to do. You have run out of steam on your own. This is a great place to be! Now - talk to God. Not some recited prayer that doesn't mean anything personal to you. Just talk to him like you would anyone else. Explain your frustrations. Yell and scream if you want to. And most importantly - give up! All this stress, these big decisions, whatever. Let Him worry about it. If you leave it up to him then at the right time you will suddenly know exactly what you need to do and have total peace about it. He will lead you along and help you grow in just the spots you need at just the right time.
Here's just a few examples from my own life, there's dozens more:
One of the biggest things that the Lord changed in my life: Back when I was a teenager I was all into watching some videos I shouldn't have been. You know what I am talking about. One day I just...got bored with it. I thought, is this all there is? At that moment I could feel God just standing there waiting for me. He let me see how wrong it all was for the first time. Then came the hard part. Over the course of about a year I went from not being able to help but look at any girl I saw, to being unable to pick out a girl my friends were trying to point out. All I had to do was try my best to obey God. Turn away when I saw something I shouldn't. Do what I could to stay away from things I shouldn't even be near. I failed many many times, but during that ordeal God was changing me from the inside out. My desire itself was vastly changed for the better.
Decision time. I had been talking to Sharon for a while before we got together and I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to be with her or not. I liked her but had some serious doubts. Then she gave me an ultimatum - are we going to be together or not? It was a reasonable request, but I still just had no idea. Stress! I prayed hard for several hours as her and I talked. Finally I got an answer: go be with her. I was still afraid but I trusted God at that point and to this day I know I am with the right person. Because it wasn't my choice! So freeing! Of course, I am very happy with the choice too. There simply couldn't be any better one.
There's more great examples from work, friends, and family chronicled here:
Sounds stupid and like it couldn't really work, I know. But once you surrender that part of your life the stress of what to do is out of your hands, and you are freed from it. All you have to do is follow and obey. The more you do this the more you see how He can help you. The more you start to trust. The more you feel his strength and power in your life. And you know, not just head knowledge but deep inside, you will be ok no matter what happens. From this comes your identity and security. He knows what you want and what you need far more than you do! So let him take over. Seriously. It works.