Tuesday, June 4, 2013

A Recommendation

So you found someone that you like.  That is wonderful!  You seem happy.  Great.  Since you're my friend, you have asked my opinion on what I think of them.  Here's what I think:

She seems kind, intelligent, and outgoing.  Also it sounds like she has her life at least somewhat in order, especially financially.  Big plus.  You 2 seem to get along and banter well.  I feel comfortable when I'm with you 2.

I do have one small reservation:  The constant banter and self-deprecation (mostly on your end) seems good-natured now, but it does eerily remind me of the parts toward the end of your last relationship where a similar banter turned ugly and controlling.  Then again, you are the sort of person that seems to invite it somehow.  And it is fun.  I guess that's alright.

Now here's where it gets interesting.  You both are Christians, right?  So this is how it's supposed to work, according to the Bible:

No fornication (read: sex before marriage).  I would take it even further than that... the more physical you are, the more that desire builds up and the more you want to do.  Why even begin to open that?  I would say far away.  But why does it even matter to begin with? 

For one, standing strong against it builds a strong foundation in your relationship, by struggling against temptation together.  If you just give in, you build a broken foundation of giving into temptation.  Giving up.  That's not good.  For another... sex does of course bring you closer together in many ways.  It's a very special gift.  So why waste it on someone that you're not fully committed to?  It just makes it much harder to separate, if you don't decide to get married.

I could go on, but enough of that.  Now for the other fun part:  Can you be the spiritual leader?  She does seem to have a strong personality.  Will she submit to you?  That will be a lifelong struggle even if you do commit to it, but it's important to start now while things are more malleable. 

I love this circle:  Husband is leader, he's the final authority on decisions.  Woman submits to husband and does her best to help him, even pushing him into that leadership role.  And the final part that everyone seems to forget, the part that makes the whole thing work:  The husband must put the wife before himself in his decisions. 

One final thing.  The most important of them all.  Do I recommend that you stay with this girl?  I really can't say.  It's not my decision.  And furthermore: it's not your decision either.  At least it shouldn't be.  God has a plan.  Some things are far too important in life to get wrong.  Stop, pray, and pay attention.  Does God approve of this?  Yes?  Great.  Go forth and be happy and get married before too long.  Take hold of the confidence you can have that you are supposed to be together. 

If not, if you don't feel completely at peace with this, call things off.  That's ok too.  The process still worked.  God just has an even more amazing plan for you coming up.  Wait for it.